Some decisions are harder than others. There is nothing like being in a Third World country to help you see your obsesessions and weaknesses. It’s hard to admit the things I get really crazy about, and equally disturbing to realize how much security I draw from the conveniences of my daily life. For the past few days there hasn’t been any hot water in the house. That is not very unusual here, but in Xela it’s not hot like it is in the other parts of Guatemala where I’ve spent my time. At night it is in the 40’s…which means it is also that cold in the early morning. And most homes (this one included) do not have heat. It’s not really that cold in the house …but…taking a cold shower on a cold morning is where I meet myself in this place of weakness. I am actually very partial to hot showers!!! Hmmmm… how many more days am I thinking of no hot shower AND cool weather? Because a hot shower after sweating all day is not truly necessary, but a hot shower on a normal or cool day…that is a different story. But the animals adjust, right? And we didn’t always have hot water in the United States, right?
Then there is the issue of technology. Last night I attended services at the cathedral and most of the young adults I sat with had blackberries. They may not have hot water or trash pick up but technology reaches all over the world. And many of the cafe’s have internet access. All that said, yesterday I had a major (major in the same way as the hot water issue) issue with my technology and it wasn’t pretty. Something quit working and I felt like my arm was cut off. And I thought, “oh my goodness! what if I have the rest of the month like this!!!???” At first it doesn’t sound so bad, to be disconnected. But if you add to that: no one here that I know (mi amigo is working elsewhere in the country); no car to drive anywhere (not that I would know how to do that) ; no one to speak English in the house where I am staying; no store I can go in where they can communicate in English….etc., etc. Hahahaha…so I was struggling. I know..this doesn’t even sound like me. But if I’m not backpacking or hiking I really do expect or want these things to all be available. It’s just true.
Today all that is resolved. I do have new friends at the school from Taiwan with computer backgrounds. All was remedied after school today. And so… with my cold shower far behind me and all technology up and running once again…I have to say, I really need to take a long look in the mirror for what I’m depending on these days. Security can come from a lot of sources: family, friends, spouse, education, job, status, financial means, technology, language…the list goes on and on. But really my security is only to come from one source: God. Today as I was reading for my Life Journal the verse that caught my spirit was one where Jesus was praying for himself and his disciples. He said many important things in that prayer that redefine life for me. The two verses I wrote down this morning were: “I (Jesus) have brought you (God) glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do.” (17:4) and “My prayer is not that you will take them (the disciples) out of the world but that you will protect them from the evil one.” (17:15)
What this does for me at the moment is twofold: First, it reminds me why I am here: “to complete the work you (God) gave me to do on earth”. Secondly, it tells me that while we are on earth God is protecting us because Christ prayed this on our behalf. That redefines a lot, answers many questions and maybe…just maybe… it will realign my spirit for today. Let it be. Where is your security coming from these days?