I was just looking for something, I’m still not sure what it was or is; her booth was there and inviting. I took a step in to see. Is what I’m looking for here? Is there some cultural expression that makes sense out of my season of wonder? Is there something I’ll touch and know I’ve found a piece of the puzzle, a piece of who I am?
The young woman greeted me with all the same sense with which I entered. I spoke my broken Spanish so she would know I came as one who searches. She understood. Our conversation soon surpassed the goods of her booth and granted us space for sharing. Newly married, she was still on the heights of love found, embraced, and living. Her face aglow with the joy of it. Life shared in love and wholeness. Full.
Eventually our words drifted toward my reality too. “What do you do?” she asked the familiar question. Occasionally I get glimpses of why the answer to God being asked, “what is your name?” in Scripture is often answered with, “I AM”. I don’t want to say, “I am a pastor”, but I do, because I can’t find better words in the moment; she recognizes what I say. Conversation opens up to a new place, far beyond the goods in her booth or even the news of her recent marriage.
“I played the trumpet in my church!” is how she responded to knowing I am a pastor. “I played the trumpet in my church.” The words were strong. And faithful. She was announcing to me who she is. I paused to listen.
“And now? Do you play the trumpet in your church now?” I wondered aloud.
“No mas. Mi esposo no gusta. No mas, no me jugo la trompeta en la iglesia.” She laughed, a little nervously, almost apologetic, but also just tentative.
“No more. My husband does not like me to play the trumpet in my church.”
The woman was strong of spirit. Her joy was on her face. Hospitality, devotion, and intention were in every move she made. And her husband did not want her to play the trumpet…it was too strong? It was too much? Her pain was present, but she never faltered in her joy, nor her deep love for him. She was just naming her new reality.
Her husband didn’t know what is behind the joy of her playing the trumpet. He doesn’t know that what fuels her passion of playing, also fuels her love for him. He doesn’t know that quietening one part of her gives sure death to another part, possibly the very depth that drew him to her in the beginning. He doesn’t know he married a whole woman, not fragments of a hollowed spirit.
It’s been a while since I was at her booth. Several years. But every time I hear a trumpet, it has caused me, for years, to offer a prayer, “Lord, please give her a way to play her trumpet. Lord, help her husband to embrace her love and passion.”
And I wonder. Is she in training for the heavenly chorus? Because it seems like trumpets might be played in heaven. Is she already chosen for a choir that is eternal? Is her playing in her church just practice for the worship she will assist with in eternity? She exudes a joy that points to something beyond this earth. Has her love been taken captive or will the one who loves her find a way to not be afraid of who God created her to be?
What can we say? Cultures tell us many things, and much is to be honored. Sometimes it will work out very well. Sometimes it won’t, and there may be a death of spirit. Sometimes people will long for something that was under their nose and never understand what they were given. In all of it, you hope, you pray, each person finds what brings them peace, and that they can follow that discovery with freedom and grace. Even when peace means closing doors because what’s offered them is simply more than can be received.
What else can we say? If you have the capacity to let someone play their trumpet….let them play! If you have the peace to embrace the whole of a person, whatever the whole might be, embrace them! And if you are in that place where the doors just cannot be opened, be graceful in the ways you say, “please don’t blow your trumpet” near me.
Prayer:
Lord, we are afraid of many things. Loving fully is certainly one of them. Whatever you might do to assist us along our way of accepting people as you have created them to be, we welcome that help. Forgive us, if ever we ask someone to diminish the light placed inside them by you. Thank you for not giving up on any of us. Thank you for loving us in whatever way we come to you today. We love you, and we trust you completely. In the name of Jesus; Amen.
Joy to the World (Gabriel Trumpet Ensemble and the Tabernacle Choir)
Life in the Deep End 